Random Thoughts

I'm late.......which is completely frustrating! I took a pregnancy test last weekend, and it was negative. I wasn't late until Friday, granted I've been late before, and I know I'll get it, I just thought this week I could go and get my tests done for the specialist.

Last Friday I finished this great book I was reading. We are supposed to have our first book club meeting, which I'm excited about. I need to pick up another book, being hooked on a book is so enjoyable.

I feel as if I'm in a slight rut with F. I know this is completely normal. We've been together for 6 years. I'm not the type of woman who needs to be romanced. I don't like to be fussed over. Occasionally it would be nice if he could plan something for us to do. Even if it's dinner. Anything we do, I suggest, and organize. I'm not a complete bitch, I realize at this moment in our life he's extremely busy. This would be why I haven't brought up my feelings to him. It's not the right time, and it wouldn't be fair to throw this on him. I know the rut will pass, and things will be fine.

Last week I was speaking with my mom on the phone, she has this way of bringing everyone into her issues with others in our family. Instead of just picking up the phone and calling the one who she's upset with, she brings it up in our conversations. When she says " can I ask your opinion?" what she really means is, if you don't agree with my opinion I don't want to hear it. I usually just let her say what she needs to, and then move on. For some reason she just pushed my button, and I started to go off. Next thing I know she's saying how she doesn't want to talk about it anymore, and when I have kids I'll understand what it's like to be the mother and be treated this way by her children. I laughed said are you kidding me!, then told her I had to go to the gym, and hung up. Of course I felt guilty immediately, this is some kind of power she has over me, I wanted to call back and say sorry, but I couldn't make myself do it. As of today I still haven't called, and she hasn't called me. I'm sure for her she's moved on and doesn't even think about our phone fight, for me I think about it everyday. I know it's part of the guilt. I'm working on letting go of the guilt.