Feeling Lost....Perhaps Confused

Bare with me this post is a work in progress.

Friendships have never been easy for me. I know a lot of it goes back to my childhood, and not really being able to be a child. I always felt I needed to hide my family issues from everyone at school. I never had friends come over. I sometimes went to their house, but not often. I just wasn't a kid. I had a lot of older friends from church, and I liked hanging around them, but still it was never a close friendship, more of I looked up to them.
As a teen I had a few close girlfriends. Looking back now I do realize I even kept them at a distance. I don't feel they ever really knew who I was, maybe I didn't know who I was either. I would never classify myself as a "needy" person. Perhaps that has something to do with it too, I didn't need anyone, but anyone I would call my friend is needy. As an adult my friendships really haven't gotten any better. I have "friends" but I wouldn't say I'm closer to one than another. (B-unit this does not apply to you! Our friendship is very much based upon phone contact, and I feel we are as close as can be.) I do speak to my sister a lot more often. I think our relationship is very healthy, we both can let our guard down and need each other if we want.

I'm feeling lost within my friendships. I know my life has changed with having a baby, and my time is more limited. I know this is an adjustment period. Yet I don't feel connected. My friends are single with no children, I barely see them, when I do we play catch up. Almost like a "check in" but where's the meaning?....the substance?
I suppose in my head I always thought as an adult I would have a good circle of female friends, who would be supportive, have my back, want to spend time together, go do things, or just sit and chat. Not allowing myself to get close to someone is maybe why I don't have this.
I'm confused with my feelings on this subject.
I don't feel connected.