Huge Sigh......deep breath..

Thought writing this out might help me release my frustration. Bare with me, usually when I'm really mad, I tend not to make much sense.

Tonight Y has a small dance performance, our main street is closed down, all the shops decorate for the holidays, and her dance troupe put on a little show every 30 minutes for 3 hours.

Sunday she has another performance at Brookfield Zoo. In a heated annex they are doing a different holiday routine. This performance is much more like a recital. (and she hasn't had one in 4 years, when her mom moved last year for 6 months, it was to far for her to continue dance classes, and the years before that Y stopped dance classes and wanted to try Tae Kwon Do, which she did for 3 years)

So what happened??

Since it's not our weekend with Y, I kept reminding her mother about the performances, and what times, all the details. Side note: Y's other brothers birthday party is tomorrow night, so it's going to be a full weekend, anyways, her mom called on Wednesday to ask about High School stuff (need to post that later) and I reminded her about what time Friday she had to be at the studio, she kept saying well I can take her, no problem, so I finally said, okay does this mean you don't want to stay till it's over? which the answer was nope! (I had figured) So I said okay then I can take her home afterwards. I was already upset about one of the comments she made on the High School thing, so I said lets talk later about Brookfield Zoo since your at work (I really wanted to get off the phone)
Thursday morning on the way to taking Y to school, she says, "whats going to happen on Sunday about the zoo" I said, " we will just meet you there, since your with your mom" Y says, "oh I don't think my Mom is going" (WHAT!!!!) " the tickets cost money, so she probably won't come" I say, " your moms ticket is free if she takes you, and your brothers would be $6. "I'm sure she's going Y, she'll want to see your
performance, don't worry" "guess I'll call her later to figure things out"

During the day I get an email from the dance studio, she needs to know who's name to put on the parking list, since only one parent can go in free with free parking. On my way home I call Y's mom, Y answers the phone, we talk about school, I remind her to look for a shirt she needs tonight, her hair ties, etc...then Y says " My mom said she's not going to Brookfield Zoo" (I take a deep breath, super mad) So I say, "okay, well I will just take you to school on Monday morning, because I'm not driving back up to the north side of the city at 9:30 on Sunday night. Then I ask to speak to her Mom. She gets on the phone, asking me how I am (does she really care?..no) first words out of my mouth is, if you take her your ticket is free, all you have to pay for is your son's, and parking is free too. Her reply, "oh yeah I know, but to be brutally honest, I don't have the money, I'm really tight, besides I hate Brookfield Zoo, is it outside, cause it's going to be really cold, (NO, PAPER CLEARLY SAYS IT'S INSIDE A HEATED ANNEX!)and I forgot about it, I made plans with my cousin and aunt to cook, it will take all day on Sunday." She kept saying things to justify it to me, and I wouldn't say one word. All I said at the end was, you don't have to justify it to me. She then says" well I can take her tomorrow to the studio, and stay through her first performance, but then I'm going to leave," somehow I figured that would happen. I told her F said he'll take Y home early Saturday morning, so Y could help her set up for the birthday party, and that on Sunday night I would not bring Y home, it was going to be to late to drive that far. Told her I'd drop her off at school on my way to work. She got quiet and said, "well I guess that's okay" (I knew she wanted her home on Friday night, and Sunday night, oh well, if your going to throw stuff on me to handle then, it's my way.) Told her "see you tomorrow night"

Why am I mad?

Yes we (I) put Y back into dance classes after they moved to the city. Y loves dance, she is smiling again, she's happier, and it lets her release the stresses she has, not to mention she is getting 2 hours of straight exercise a week.
We pay for not, we don't ask EW (ex wife) for money. We buy all the extra stuff that comes up for it, I make sure everyone knows when she has a performance, do reminders, coordinate, etc. All I expect is for her 3 parents who love her, go and show support to there daughter. Make her feel like what she enjoys is important, and you want to be a memory in Y's head. Because that is what it boils down to, Y is now old enough to know what is going on, how people behave, and remember who was at the things that are important to her. Look how Y already knew her mom probably wouldn't go because you had to pay for tickets. Seriously you can't spare $6. I hope you enjoy that next pack of cigarettes you buy, they will cost more than $6!! She just doesn't want to go, that's her bottom line, and I wish she would of just be honest, not make it a money thing. F and I are not rich, but where are her priorities? I just want to scream, your selfish, how can you do this to your daughter!

Last night I was so sad. F had predicted that EW wouldn't be going, which only makes me mad, that he excepts the way EW behaves. I don't know how to not let this stuff bother me. Y deserves so much more, I hate having the feeling like she has 1/2 of a good life.

I heard a saying: Some parents live for there children, and some parents live for themselves. Guess me and EW don't have the same principals.

So I told F last night, I'm making a huge deal out of these performances for Y, and we are going to enjoy ourselves, and make the best memory's!