Shocking Reality

Monday mid morning F called my cell phone. I remember being surprised, he was calling my cell, and he knew I was in the office. Right after I said hello the pit of my stomach sunk. I knew something was not right. Let me back track, 10 years ago (before I even knew him) he got very sick. He gradually got weak, loss of breath, headaches, and pale over a short period of time. He went to see his doctor and they did some blood tests. His red blood cell count was extremely low. The average count is 14-15, and he was a 8. So at that time he was admitted into the hospital, they were able to stabilize him with medicine. However after all this time, they cannot figure out what causes this to happen, and how to stop it for good. He really hasn't had another scare...until Monday. After I answered the call, F proceeds to tell me, his heart is beating really fast, he's light headed, is short of breath, and his head hurts. I immediately thought about how pale I thought he looked the day before. He spent the whole day laying around on the sofa, relaxing. I knew he didn't feel good, but I honestly didn't think it was this bad. F said he called his boss, and asked to be picked up from his route, and was going to head home. He planned on calling the doctor on his way home. I left work right away, went home picked him up and took him to see the doctor. I was surprised how much the doctor yelled at F telling him he pushed himself to far this time, and that she could tell by just looking at him that his blood count was to low. F told the doctor he has been feeling bad for over 2 weeks! I was shocked. He also said that he knew his body and that today was enough. They took blood, and sent us to the hospital to get a MRI. The doctor was afraid he might be bleeding in his head. See red cells carry oxygen to our brain, and since he can produce red cells, but something in his system kills them as soon as they go into the main blood stream, his body was trying to run normally on not enough cells. He also had to get a heart test since the beats were twice as fast. The doctor said she was surprised he didn't have a heart attack, or a brain hemorrhage! I sat their shocked. My whole reality was spinning. F could of died is what I kept thinking. I got so mad with him, but knew I couldn't say it at that time. The MRI test came back fine, and the heart test didn't show any damage. His blood count however is 5.6. This is the lowest it's ever been. Of course they are not sure why it dropped, or what caused it to happen so fast. He was admitted into the hospital this afternoon to be monitored. They also are increasing his medication, and giving him so stuff to shock is red cells into producing more than usual. He should be released tomorrow if all goes well. I have a good feeling inside that his count will go up, and he'll come home. As for finding out answers to his blood disorder, I know this is a beginning to a long struggle. No one else has been diagnosed with these issues, so they are not sure what to do and how to do it. I just know that this is something we need to spend time on trying to figure out. F has two kids, and I can't tell you how scared I got realizing he could of died. I cannot imagine what I'd do. I want to fix this, but I know I can't. I need to rely on patience even more so right now.

Positive thoughts....positive thoughts. This is what I'm trying to focus on.

It feels weird to be home in bed with a baby by myself. I miss F. Can't wait to have him back tomorrow.